Please Hear What I Am not Saying

  After a long time I felt like sharing something and preserving it for me for future reading. It might be because of my genuine liking towards poetry! :) I found this poem when I was reading a high school psychology teaching aids blog. The moment I read it I liked it. The whole poem may not be apt for anyone or for me but at least there will be situations in everyone lives where people wore masks and pretend for what so ever reason. Anyway forget it and enjoy reading the poem if you love poetry else excuse me. :)

Please Hear What I Am Not Saying

an adaptation by Dr. David Wiesner original by Charles C. Finn

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by this mask that I wear. 
For I wear a thousand masks and none of them are really me.
Masks that I'm too afraid to take off, fearing that you'll get to know me.

Pretending is an art that is second nature to me.

I'm pretending that I am in command and that I need no one.
That I'm cool and that my surface is so smooth and I cannot be shaken by anything.
I act as if I am in control, but please don't for one moment be fooled by my surface, that's only my mask.

Beneath this mask lies no smugness, no complacence.

Beneath this mask dwells the real me in confusion, loneliness, and fear.

But I don't dare tell you that.

I don't dare tell you that this is my mask.

I'm frightened by all the possibilities of my weaknesses being exposed.

I think about it all the time. Will I look like a fool?

That's why I work frantically to create this mask to hide behind in my relationship with people.
This nonchalant, sophisticated facade helps me pretend and shields me from the glance that knows me.
But such a glance is precisely my only salvation.
It's my only salvation if, however, the glance is followed by acceptance and love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself, from my own self-built prison...from the barriers that I have so painstakingly created.
It is only that glance that will assure me of what I cannot assure in myself and, that is, that I am really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.

I'm afraid that you'll think less of me...that you'll laugh and that your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I am nothing.

That I'm just no good and soon you're going to find out and you'll no longer love me...that you'll reject me.

So I play my game. My desperate, pretending game with the facades of assurance from without and that of a trembling little child from within.

And my life becomes a front.

And I idly chatter to you in suave tones about anything that really means nothing.

And yet I can never tell about the crying inside of me...of my greatest hurts...of my deepest fears...my concerns.

I can't tell you that because I am afraid.

So please listen carefully not to what I am saying, but to what I am not saying.
To what I'd like to be able to say. And for what my very own survival I need to say.

I dislike this hiding...honestly.

I dislike this phony, superficial game I'm playing.
I really would like to be genuine and spontaneous and me.
But you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand.

You've got to hold out your hand even when it appears to you that it's the last thing I want from you, because I am going to share a secret with you about myself;

the moment I act like I need you the least is the moment I need you the most.

The moment I act like I need you the least is the moment I need you the most.

Don't be fooled by this mask.

When you see anger in this mask, don't be fooled for one second...that's not anger, that's hurt.

The mask of anger is easier to show than the mask of hurt.

And if we make the error of looking at people's masks only tosee anger on their face, we may end up in a confrontation only because we missed the point.

You have the power to wipe away this blank stare of the "breathing dead" beneath this mask.

It will not be easy for you.

Long felt hurts make my masks endure.
The nearer you approach me the harder I may strike back.
Irrationally, I fight against the very thing that I cry out for - my identity.

You may wonder who I am.

You shouldn't.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear.

I am someone you know very well.
I am every man and woman and child.

I am you.

courtesy: 

http://teachinghighschoolpsychology.blogspot.com/2012/02/please-hear-what-i-am-not-saying.html

Evil Sudoku

Hi Guys!!

    I very recently started playing Sudoku game on Facebook. I am not that bad at solving hard level sudoku puzzle. Actually all our roommates are in a mission to solve expert level sudoku which has a time limit of 7mins. To train ourselves for that marathon we keep playing hard level sudoku puzzles which has a time limit of 13 mins. Few we can solve with in the given time frame or even earlier. But few are too hard for us to solve them within the given time limit. Still we can solve them with little effort! This particular sudoku really killed almost all the evening time of my roommates and me. I could only post one number in that puzzle(you guys can find that in blue color). I didn't give up still but I will appreciate if someone can help me out in filling one additional number. I don't want just the number. Please explain me the logic along with the number in the form of comment.

Thank you all!! :-) Have fun

A fun filled trip to the dream beaches of Penghu Islands

I went for a fun filled four days and three nights trip to dream beaches of the Penghu Islands in Taiwan as a part of break from my daily routine few weeks ago. That trip was one of the best trips I had in my student life. That was my first experience to play in cool ocean waters. I enjoyed almost all the beach activities I did. The fun I had made me relax for a while and forget all the hardships I faced before the trip. In fact I was very happy because all of my friends liked the place and we enjoyed in our own ways. I can say camping on Penghu Islands either with your BFF group or with your dream girl (boy) is really a good idea. You can have quality time there. All the Islands can be covered with bike and traffic is very smooth. People who like driving will definitely enjoy the trip better if they work on the itinerary properly. You can ride for a while and whenever you feel like relaxing you will have a scenic view, recreational area or a beach to stop by. You can go around in the morning, reach a beach of your interest by evening and get lost among yourselves in the sea waves until dusk and settle down there for chat under the starry sky until you want to fill your stomach. I want to share with you all some of the most memorable moments of the trip.

Map of Penghu Islands

To start with I will give a brief introduction of the Islands and how we can reach there. Penghu is mainly classified to three recreational areas namely North sea recreational area (Famous Islet: Jibei Islet, for water sports), Penghu recreational area (Magong city is present here and it is a mixture of beaches, landscapes etc..) and  the South sea recreational  area (famous Islets: Cimei and Wangan , commonly known as romantic Islands). You can reach Penghu Islands either by taking either a ferry or a plane from Chiayi (Taichung in case of plane), Tainan, Kaohsiung and Taipei (only plane).

 We flew to Magong city from Taipei using Far eastern airways (round trip 3700NT$). We booked our accommodation with Love Penghu Home stay guesthouse. Mr. Maco, owner of the guesthouse kindly picked us from the airport. He is an alumnus of NTHU our neighboring university, so he took more care of our trip and us. He helped us in renting bikes, getting boat tickets to Jibei, Wangan and Cimei Islets, water sports tickets, provided pickup and dropping services to the boat centers for free and gave demonstration about the island routes. He charged just 3600NT$ per person (which includes room rent 600NT$ per night*3+Jibei water sports (includes round trip boat fare)- 800NT$ and Wangan+Ciemi round trip boat along with scooter rental-1000NT$). We felt it was a decent price. Because of his timely guidance we could enjoy our stay and absolutely forget about the trip plan and boat schedule.

At taipei airport

For the first two days we toured the Penghu recreational area using our rented motorbikes. We covered most of the island in these two days. We travelled around 90kms per day on the bike. I particularly enjoyed the bike ride. The traffic was quite smooth, so I drove like a free bird with a minimum speed of   70kmph during the day and more than 80kmph during night. Evening drive was more pleasant than the morning because of the cool summer breeze from the surrounding ocean. Among the places we visited we liked Whale cave, Basalt columns, Aimen beach, Lintou park, Shanshuei beach, Fongguei cave and the sunset at Siyu light house. We particularly enjoyed the evenings we spent in Shanshuei beach. We enjoyed the ebbs and flow of the waves, surfing, swimming for a while when we had less tides. According to locals and the guide book Shihli beach is good for swimming but my friends preferred Shanhuei beach because they can relax after swimming with beers. :-p 

At Aimen beach

Sunset at Siyu

Bassalt Coloumns

At Grandmother banyan Tree

At Fongguei Cave

Whale Cave

Third day we went to Jibei Islet by boat from the North Sea information center located in the Baisha township. It took around 40 min. I guess. You can get a combo package at the North Sea center, which covers your round trip boat fare+ scooter rental and unlimited water sports package. Maco took tickets for us. So we used those tickets to enjoy the water recreational activities at Jibei. We tried all the water sports available there which includes banana boat, speedboat, snorkeling, floating sofa etc…. may be around 7-8 different sports. Though all were unlimited we only tried banana boat thrice. It was really thrilling one. Speedboat was fun but we were not allowed to drive it. Just we could experience it. Rest of the activities was funny but not really thrilling to us. Snorkeling at Jibei is not really enjoyable. Instead it is a good idea to do it at Yueli Bay of Cimei Township (price: 300NT$). My friends rated this activity as number one in their tour. Don’t miss it! After having lot of fun at Jibei we became tired by evening and gone to bed early. But when I slept on the bed I felt like I was floating on the ocean floor until I fell asleep. That experience was quite memorable for me. For the fourth day, the final day of our trip we headed towards the South sea recreational area for the romantic islands (Wangan and Cimei). Maco dropped us at the south visitor center and gave us a package ticket that covers round trip boat, scooter rental in both the islands. It is a good idea to purchase a combination ticket if you don’t plan to stay in the south islands. The boat started at 9:10am from the South sea center of Magong city and reached Wangon after 40 min. They have given us some time to go around and asked us to come back at 11:30am. We gathered again at 11:30 and headed towards Cimei and reached by 12:15pm. We are asked to return by 2:00pm. Both the islands were quite small and it was thrilling to have a bike ride there. They are filled with enthralling landscapes. That is why these islands are termed as romantic islands. Wangan has green turtle conservation center. We missed it because my travel itinerary didn’t support me to stay there overnight. If you guys are interested it is really worthy to stay there overnight. If you go in between April and June I recommend you to stay in Cimei because Penghu international firework festival takes place there. You can enjoy it. Of course if you go with a girl friend, any season Cimei is a best place to stay. 

Coral reef houses at Wangan

Crysanthemum flowers

Little Taiwan

Twin Heart Stone weir

We purchased lot of souvenir from Penghu fishermen association. We love all of them. We ended our trip with a closing dinner at Miramar food court in Taipei.

Most memorable situation:

First day we were at the tip of the Siyu Township for the sunset. After sunset while returning my bike tyre became flat. We called Maco and informed him the situation and gave him the location (203 line 34.5mark). He told he would come with in half an hour. It was dark and very less people. My friends parked bikes at the edge of the road and started playing cards with the aid of cellphone torches by sitting on the road that is leading to the beach. I am so tired as I didn’t sleep the earlier night. So I slept on the road that is leading to the beach with helmet as my pillow. I fell asleep very quickly. After a while one of my friends woke me up and when I when I got up to my surprise I found a grandmother on a motorbike behind my head. I blocked her way. L After I woke up she didn’t go. She enquired what was the problem with us though she couldn’t speak english. My friends explained her in sign language. Then she took one of my friends with her to the nearest mechanic shop but that was closed and mechanic was reluctant to help us at that odd hour. She gone back and my friend returned and they became busy in playing. After a while a car stopped by us. Several people got down from it and started speaking to us in english. They are none other than the neighbors and grandchildren of the grandmother we met earlier! They all came just to help us. Few of us couldn’t believe this gesture shown by Taiwnese. All of us are moved by the kindness shown by the locals. We told them not to worry as our Maco is on the way. Later he came and brought us dinner. He also came with his whole family. Especially I couldn’t believe how he could he bring his small kids (one is few months and the other few years) in that night! After we finish dinner he took care of us. We were rescued but that incident has become yet another example of the attitude of Taiwanese people. Long live people!!

People who came to rescue us

   Exciting Boat Ride:

The boat ride from Magong to Cimei is very exciting. Ocean waters are not really smooth. Whenever boat reached rough waters we are thrilled and excited.

Accident at Cimei:

Injury

Wangan and Cimei Islands are very small and has less people than Magong. So we started travelling with out helmet in these islands. Everything was smooth until my friend met with an accident while we are returning back to take a boat at Cimei Island. The reason for the accident is he took of his eyes from the road. As that road was curved, he hit the wall. We could’ve prevented that accident and injury if he was wearing helmet instead of cap. Actually, his cap was flying so he removed it and he want to keep in the front comportment of the bike. So he lowered his head and within seconds he was injured. Luckily it was not a major accident and we could come home with smiles on our faces and beautiful memories of Penghu in our heart. Otherwise everything would’ve gone. Guys! Just follow traffic rules so that we always can have a pleasant journey.

After first aid at Magong airport

Maco with his family at the airport

We took almost 20GB pictures in this four days. So I couldn't show you many pictures here. If you guys are interested you can take a look at few more by clicking the link. I posted captions to most so you can easily identify the locations.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2312065239637.136269.1189573106&type=3&l=9bce8e9592

I am deeply indebted to Mr. Hemanth Nag for sharing the pictures taken with his Cannon Digital camera.